The list of things I have forgotten~4#9Here is a brief list of things I haven't forgotten.These are the things that I miss.*crisp cold creek water*baby sand toads*running for no reason*laughing until my stomach hurts*smiling like an idiot*dancing for no reason*doodling on my friend's notebook*sticky notes on my porch*weekend sleepovers*dreaming about flying*being wanted*being desiredThese things I rememberBut I don't feel themI don't see themThey don't happennot anymore.I'd like to think if one of them happened-just once more-everything would go backto what it use to beto who I use to be.This is worse then forgetting.
The list of things I have forgotten~3#8One of the things I mourn the mostis the loss of happiness.I would like to believe that everyone dreamsof being around peoplethat are alwayshappy.I did.The pursue of this dream took another piece of me.Because the people who appear happyare the onesfarthest from it.You can not rely on others to supplyhappiness..So once you've lost ityou're on your own.I like to believethat I wear my brokenness openly nowTo spare others the realization I came across.Or maybe I'm just no good.And I'm afraid that if they come closeThey'll see.And then I'll be nothingBut shadows and missing pieces.
The list of things I have forgotten~2#4These things that come backconstruct my current reality.They form a looking glassfrom which I can view myself.The way I see it, they are piecesto a puzzle.They appear in all entiretyand then leaveexposing the part of methey've abandoned to the shadows.They come and- one by one-expose the shadows surrounding me.Their absence forms the wallsof a deep, deep well.Calling it a well isn't accurate.At least when you're trapped in a wellyou can see the light-however distant- it is still thereand that is your hope.I have no hope.I have only shadows and missing pieces.#5I have forgotten what it was liketo feel satisfied.To sit in silence contentlyand drift into thought.I. need. sound.Music- to tell myselfI am not alone."You are not alone."But most of the timeI am.Sitting in a crowded class roomwith 30+ students, "friends" and acquaintances and I am alone.#6Silence haunts mebut it is idlenessthat taunts me.I cannot stand to sit-yet it is all I desire.I
The list of things I have forgotten~1The list of things I have forgotten.#1The list of things I have forgottenis bountiful and heavy.some things are beautifuland I mourn their disappearance.some things are frighteningand I mourn their shadows.The others are painfuland I cannot find the wordsto describe them.#2I realize the things I have forgottenas they come back to meone by one.Sometimes it saddens me to thinkthat there must be morethat I have lost with out knowing..But then I witness some of these thingsand I am gratefulto have forgotten.#3Among the things I have forgotten is this:I have forgotten the quiet joy of a bath.I have forgotten what it was liketo step into the steaming waterwith socks on my feet.To get use to the constant compressionof fabric.More then that, I have forgottenthe subtle comfortof removing the socksand feeling the silky water.It was a light, free feelingand I have forgotten it entirely.